One obsessive thought

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What I truly hate is the unexpected nature of how an obsessive thought can creep up on you and shake your comfortable belief system. 

Just a few minutes ago, I took a nice shower and settled down on my sofa to watch some television, BAM!

There it is!

A thought strikes me that makes me feel uneasy and I repetitively count through it several times, to justify it, to rectify it and to obliterate its existence at the same time. I can’t begin to put it in words how distressed a single thought can make me for days, weeks or even months, and hardly a second goes by that I forget about it.

One thought can haunt me for countless hours, making me feel enslaved to it. Slowly, feelings of guilt, depression and unworthiness fill the empty void I feel in those moments. After a while, I am surrounded by fears of things said or done in the hypothetical future that could make me question myself and my self-esteem. Lots of thoughts visit my mind from time to time, some stay, some vanish, others like making seasonal appearances.

All it takes is one thought to collapse my comfortable sense of well being.

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