Days, I stop existing

You know those days of misery where I think of being unborn,

Not treading across the paths and words I have till today,

But that’s not how it’s meant to be,

I was supposed to be born.

 

Now I am here,

And my life is in shambles,

I’ve lost a love and aged in my memories,

I cripple past the present days,

Picking myself up,

Wondering how my mind had wandered a thousand years from the last time I felt joy.

I cry, because I believed my best friend and his promises.

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It wasn’t meant to be like this. This isn’t how I pictured it in my head. Things were meant to be calm and sorted, happy and exciting.

Then why does it feel like I’m coming to an end? Why does it feel like my passion for life is dying away?

You and I were supposed to make life easier. That’s what you told me in the beginning. I believed you. Every time you told me that things will eventually make sense. You paved your way through regardless of all the protests of logic and rationale I threw your way.

That’s what caught my entirety, that’s when I thought you would be standing by me all the time. I knew how to be by myself, I knew what it was like to live alone and be happy. But you promised that together we could create something magical in this mundane world.

I believed you.

Tonight I’m staring at the screen and typing in all these words. I’m thinking back to that moment when I held onto those words. Tonight I feel naive. Tonight I feel like those promises only lived in words and not in this world. I know you try. I know you do. But when I need you the most, you disappear, only to make yourself visible when I’ve picked up my pieces and cleaned the mess.

But you have pushed me off the edge now, and I have given you so much of myself that I’ve started forgetting who I am.